just some thoughts.

I feel sick tonight. Chandler is back, but it just doesn't feel the same without you. I have your picture set as my wallpaper and everytime I see your big, brown dough eyes my heart drops. I still can't believe any of this. I just can't. It hurts. Here it is not even 9 and I want to go to bed. Not so much because I'm tired (though I am a little) but mostly just so my mind can rest. I think of you all the time. I just don't understand why you had to leave. I'm so sad without you. I feel lost. I feel empty.

Daddy told me the other night that I needed to stop crying about you. He said enough was enough. But I Can't. How can I just stop grieving? I lost my Toby Bear. I don't feel like I'll ever "get over" this. How could I? I don't even have tears to cry anymore, but I still cry. *Sigh* I wish this nightmare would end. I wish I could wake up to you. Why is that so impossible. I'm mad at God. He can heal all those people and bring them back from death. Why not you? I'm also mad because there are so many other dogs that could of got hit. Mean dogs. Dogs who's owners wouldn't even really care. Why did it have to be you? Also I still don't understand how yall opened the gate. Daddy had made sure it was shut good before he left Tuesday morning. He threw himself against it to make sure it wouldn't budge, and it didn't. How did you do it? Why did you do it? These thoughts run through my head constantly through the day. This is all so surreal to me. I really can't believe this happened. I think I'll be in shock forever.