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I miss you really bad right now Toby. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be okay, but right now I don't. I went out to eat with my sister today and after I dropped her off, I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to come home. It's so hard coming here and not seeing you. Quiet afternoons like this are the worst. I want to hear you breathing. I want to hear you grunt as you get up everytime I leave the room. I want to look down under the desk and see you laying there. I keep thinking about the accident. I feel like I'm going to throw up when I think of how you must of felt. I'm so worried you suffered. I just imagine you laying on the side of the road while I was on the couch sleeping. It makes me sick thinking about it. I love you, Toby. I love you so much. If I had one wish to make it would be that you were here. I'm scared right now. I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I'm trying to act normal, but I can't. I actually cooked dinner last night and it was so hard. I know if you were here you would of been in the kitchen getting in my way. It didn't feel right cooking without you there. I gave Chandler the leftovers, and I just cried because I know how much you love table food. Which makes me feel bad because that day (Tuesday) you didn't have very much to eat. You, Chandler, and that other golden that we kept for a couple days tore up the bag that had your dog food. I hadn't felt like getting some more that day because I couldn't lift the bag. I just gave you some bread that was going stale and the rest of Holden's macaroni. Maybe if I had given you more food, you wouldn't have left. I'm so angry I can't even describe it. Why did I only get 2 years with you? It wasn't long enough, not long at all. Toby, all the days are starting to run together. Yesterday it had been a week since you left. I want you to come back. I've never wanted something so bad in my life. I don't know what else to say. I'm crying too hard to see..