needed to talk to you..

Oh God, Toby, today has been a bad day. I've been stuck here at the house (can't even call it a home) all day. I miss you so bad I'm hurting. Literally. Emotionally, physically hurt. It's just so unfair. It just doesn't make sense why this happened. I keep racking my mind of things I could of done to change what happened. I wish I could go back in time. I would of let you in. I watched Ground Hog Day this afternoon and I wished I could relive that day. I would change it. In a heartbeat I would. I hate this emptiness I feel, but I know it will never be filled. You are the only one that could make it go away, and you are not here. I wake up in the middle of the night and my heart aches. I want you to of snuck on the bed. I remember I would always wake up because my legs were asleep. I couldn't hardly feel them because your big butt was on top of them. If you were here, I wouldn't even snap at you to get off the bed. I wouldn't care. I would just be so happy to have you back. I never thought our time together would be so short. Damn, 2 years, it wasn't long enough. I always imagined that Holden would grow up with you. He has just started to really play with you. He would hold your tail and as you started walking off, he would hold on for dear life. Finally he would fall over and just laugh and laugh. He misses you.