weekends suck

Toby I really hate weekends now that you are gone. They are so depressing. I used to stay home the whole weekend and clean. I didn't mind it. Holden would play with you and Chandler. Then when Holden took his nap sometimes you, Chandler, and me would get in my bed and take a nap. It was nice and relaxing. Now I dread weekends. I feel sick to my stomach when I wake up. I don't want to be here. Not without you. When Holden wakes up I think I'm going to go to my mom's house. My sister was supposed to take the weekend off, but she ended up saying she could work. I'm so bummed about that because we were going to hang out. I really feel so empty right now. I told daddy I want to take a vacation. I think it would feel so good to just have some time away. We have the money to go to Colorado or something, but he can't take off right now. Toby, I can't believe you are gone. I'm still stunned. I have this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. I miss you, so much, so so much. I'm really scared. Losing you has scared me so much. I don't think I could ever handle losing someone else.