guilt, regrets...

I'm so sorry Toby. I feel compelled to yell that at the top of my lungs. I feel such an overwhelming amount of guilt for what happened to you. I feel like I failed you. I keep replaying that night in my head. I wanted to let you in so bad. I wish I would of. I remember I kept trying to reassure myself that you would be okay for one night. I kept thinking in my head that it wasn't hot outside, the temperature was perfect, you had water. I kept trying to make myself feel better. I wish I would of just let you in. I can never go back to that moment unfortunately. I just can't believe just like that you were gone. Gone forever. I feel so much heart break. It's impossible to get through a day without breaking down. I'm so sorry Toaster. I'm so incredibly sorry. I will never in a million years forgive myself for leaving you out. I went against my gut and now we both are paying. I just hope that you are happy wherever you are. That's the only thing that gives me some peace is thinking about you playing with Chester, Al, Link, and all the other pets that have passed on. Even so I wouldn't hesitate for a second to have you back, if it was possible. I love you. I miss you with every fiber of my being.